On “Surprises”
Wasn’t it common knowledge on the entire internet twenty years ago that you don’t reveal your real name, picture, or any personal information to the ether because once it’s out there it’s out there forever
and isn’t it also common knowledge that people in general are pretty fucking terrible, so anything you can possibly imagine someone doing will eventually be done no matter what given a long enough time period
Regardless of your motives for putting that information out there no matter what there are going to be people who abuse it.
I mean, yeah, it sucks that it happened, but it’s really not surprising
I am really tired of excusing really awful behavior because it’s “not surprising”. I refuse to expect people to be awful for a number of reasons.
I honestly believe in people. I feel like when people act shitty there’s always a series of reasons that led them to act that way and I will always have sympathy for the devil. I want to be able to figure those out and find ways to combat that, even if it won’t be successful in that one person, but to fight against the things that make people lash out at other people. I will never just throw my hands up and say “well people are just shitty”. I really truly believe that anyone can be redeemed if we just figure out how. I feel like people are bad to each other because they’re hurting or ignorant or some other nasty thing that’s inside them, and I want to help figure out how to heal that or prevent it from happening to others while trying to take care of and support those who are hurt by other people’s shittiness.
I’m also tired of vulnerability being treated like stupidity. I made a choice a long time ago to be aggressively vulnerable and honest about when I’m scared, or when things hurt, or when I fuck up. I don’t feel like we talk about those things enough, and that we’ve stigmatized those feelings and experiences which leads to people feeling shitty about themselves when they have them, or people hiding themselves away from people they love when being open would help them tremendously. It’s like the Strong Female Character trope - being stoic and detached and unavailable and hard and aggressive and untouchable isn’t the only kind of strength there is. I feel like there’s so much strength and so much to be said for embracing your weakness, not trying to hide it, and trying to use it as a beacon to help other people in dealing with theirs. If we OWN these feelings then we can actually DO something with them instead of trying to pretend we’re not human.
I feel like if we expect people to be awful or expect people to hide their feelings if they don’t fit the dominant narrative of what you’re “supposed to” feel or if they don’t fit the mold of “Super Cool Adult Who Has Their Shit Together” then we’re severely limiting ourselves and each other. I’m not going to live in fear of other people, and I’m not going to shortchange them by expecting them to be shitty. I’m gonna keep giving everyone chances. I’m gonna keep believing in other people, sympathizing with their situations, and trying to help who I can as long as I’m alive.
I don’t care how dumb anyone thinks that is. I don’t care what’s surprising.
